Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Smooth Patch

I like when someone says they've gone or are going through a rough patch. I just like the phrase and it seems so apropos. It implies that mostly, things are okay, the road rises up to meet you, but sometimes, you have a little trouble, a little roughness, just a "patch." My life feels like the opposite of this, most of it is pretty rough, with patches of smooth. It wasn't always this way, back when NSA was able to work and I didn't realize how fucked up my mother truly was, things were pretty good. Sure, there were rough patches, some of them long and dark, but the smooth dominated.
Lately, I've been feeling like the rough has beaten the shit out of me. I hoped that NSA's new medication would help things out, bring normal back a bit, and while he is in less pain, he's not tolerating it as well as he might. He's weak and nauseous, and I'm moody and pissed off. There are always trade-offs, but the first two days he was on it, before it built up in his system, it was nice, almost normal, and I thought maybe, just maybe... but it was just a smooth patch. And now we're back to days with him not being able to leave the house, and less pain, but more puking. And the added joy of suppositories to control the nausea. Bleah.

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