In Defense Of My Love Of "Twilight"

     I don't know why I feel the need to defend my current borderline obsession with Stephenie Meyer's young adult novels. Maybe because they're young adult, or maybe because she's been criticized for not being a particularly good writer, or maybe because I'm a contrarian at heart and I often reject things I'll probably like just because they're popular. I haven't read any fiction in a while, like a long while, and maybe that plays into it. Or maybe it's just because they make me feel all gushy and fourteen again, which isn't a bad feeling, but a bit disconcerting at my age. And I have to agree, Meyer isn't particularly gifted. She writes about the level of a competent romance novelist, readable, but a little shallow. Stephen King's criticism of her might be valid, but there is one big difference between King and Meyer. He's a better writer, undoubtedly, but having read both of them, I'd like to inhabit the world that Meyer creates, whereas Mr. King's worlds, ummmm, NO.
      Meyer had a good idea, it came to her in a dream apparently, and she wasn't afraid to go with it. She, as much as I hate the phrase, thought outside the box, taking the well known lore about vampires and altering it, making it her own. I find this a gutsy move, admirable, and I'm jealous I didn't think of it. So her vampires sparkle in the sunlight, so what? That's the nice thing about mythical creatures, they're mythical, they can be anything you want. She made them more real, emotional creatures instead of just monsters. Coppola did this a bit in "Dracula" too, making the immortal Count somewhat sympathetic (casting Gary Oldman helped.) I also like how, in the last book, she starts to explore the scientific possibilities behind werewolves and vampires, like maybe they're not strictly supernatural, but preternatural.
     I started with the movies, more accessible I guess, I read the books because I wanted more. I like everyone's back stories, stuff that's not included in the movies because of time constraints. And I enjoyed seeing how the screenwriter, Melissa Rosenberg, chose to adapt the books, since a lot of the action takes place in character's heads. If I had been a dedicated fan of the books before I saw the movies, I probably would have been greatly disappointed. They're not great films, just like they're not great books, but I gave up long ago up hoping the movie will be better, or even as good as, the book, because it's just not possible. Unless you have a really lousy imagination.
      I find myself wishing Meyer would've done something like making the series open-ended, allowing other writers to continue with new books. It's not like her writing style is hard to copy. There's certainly enough material and storylines to work with, and she probably would've made another boatload of cash. But that's just the fangirl in me, not wanting the fantasy to end.

A Comprehensive List Of Actors From "The Dark Knight Rises" That I Would Totally Do

1. Christian Bale- Panty dropper!! I'd even forgive him that unbelievably annoying voice.
2. Joseph Gordon-Levitt- Not a "3rd Rock" fan, but after "The Lookout" he really brought out my inner cougar.
3. Tom Hardy- Oh yessss...that mouth is reason enough, but I'd also like to touch that body he so lovingly and thoroughly transformed.
4. Michael Caine- I know he's, ahem, older but he's MICHAEL CAINE! 'Nuff said.
5. Gary Oldman- From "Sid & Nancy" to "Romeo Is Bleeding," "Immortal Beloved" to "The Fifth Element," major talent. And talent is a wicked turn-on.
6. Burn Gorman- Looking a little odd lately, but "Torchwood" alone earns him a spot.
7. Morgan Freeman- Again, AMAZING talent. And I'll bet he's a fantastic kisser.
8. Liam Neeson- Well, duh. Can imagine being held against the tall, lean length of him...
9. Daniel Sunjata- Does Christopher Nolan have a thing for guys with hot mouths?
10. Cillian Murphy- Those gorgeous eyes and "28 Days Later." Also, he plays evil pretty well and I'll bet he has a great imagination.
11. Christopher Judge- Again with the sexy mouth. "Stargate" and the fact that ebony and ivory skin tones look soooo good together.
12. Josh Stewart- Plays a baddie, but he's pretty adorable on "Criminal Minds."
13. Tom Conti- Made the list for sentimentality's sake. I did love "Shirley Valentine."

More Movie Mash-Ups!

This is a bit ridiculous, but my highly-associative brain just kept churning these out. So far, I have a hundred and twenty!  There's just too many to post at once, so I think I'm going to start Monday Movie Mash-Ups!  And we'll see how many weeks I can keep it going.  Here's a taste, you know you want more....

1. A female writer searches for herself around the world while Aussie students led by Francis O'Connor discuss life, love and films, and attempt to finish college.
2. A spaceship piloted by Rahda Mitchell crash lands on a freaky planet only to discover an angry black man trying to reform a wild young thing by chaining her to a radiator.
3. In a Star Trek parody, Tim Allen and his crew of T.V. has-beens help real live aliens and Neanderthal man fight their intergalactic enemies and search for a source of light and heat.
4. Three blonde sisters deal with their curmudgeonly father, while a crew of Navy misfits has to prove that they aren't losers by beating other submariners at their own game, with riotous results.
5. In this French film, Johnny Depp's baby-mama unexpectedly takes up with a knife thrower, and Japanese POW's resist and resist, but end up having to build the damn thing anyway. 

That's all for now.  Enjoy!  And check back next week...

Movie Mash-Ups

Okay, big thanks to Cat for the inspiration, but I'm afraid my head is going to be whirling with these for a while. For now, I'll give you the best I've come up with.

1. Johnny Depp befriends a boy who's mother is dying, writes a children's classic and helps a group of little lost dinosaurs reunite with their families.
2. A little girl discovers a belief in Santa Claus thanks to a large department store and Keanu Reeves, the only good cop in all of Los Angeles.
3. Four friends go for a bachelor party in Vegas, only to lose the their memories and the groom, and discover Sylvester Stallone arm-wrestling.
4. Brittany Murphy follows her boyfriend to Japan, where he dumps her. She learns to cook while Angelina Jolie spends time with Winona Ryder in the loony bin.
5. Queen Latifah changes Steve Martin's life forever as an unwelcome guest, as unwelcome as the dead bodies in Rob Zombie's timeless masterpiece.
6. George Clooney flies around the country firing people while Brendan Fraser, Steve Buscemi and Adam Sandler hold a radio station hostage until their demo tape is played.

That's all for now. Leave me comments if you can't figure out the answers, although IMDb is wonderfully helpful.

Tagged Again

I was tagged by Lisa at The Loony Bin for a "six things" meme, which I've done before (or maybe it was seven things? I forget...), but I thought I'd do it again, since if there's one thing I love to talk about, it's myself.

1. I once spent a rainy day in Paris watching classic American movies. They were Forever Amber, River of No Return, Laura and Carmen Jones. Now that I look at this list, I realize it was an Otto Preminger tribute. It was kind of a surreal experience, Mom and Edward and I camped out in a gold velour theater. Mom left once to get sandwiches, but no one kicked us out, so we stayed.
2. People who repeatedly flog you with how cool they are because of their taste in music, irritate the shit out of me! If you like it, you like it, fine, but being an alterna-snob is still being a snob. Sure, I like some strange/funky stuff too, but I can also sing every word to Tiffany's 1987 hit, "I Think We're Alone Now," a feat that weirdly impresses my husband.
3. The best concert I ever attended was Prince at Studio 54 in Las Vegas, 1999. The tickets were spendy, but standing twenty feet away while His Purpleness played "Purple Rain" was fucking orgasmic.
4. I prefer standard transmission cars to automatics.
5. Although we travelled quite a bit while I was growing up, I've never been to New York City. It was always too expensive and crowded for Mom's taste, even though there are fantastic museums and the Statue of Liberty.
6. I've always wondered if I have other half-siblings somewhere, but I've never had the courage to ask my dad. If I did ask him, though, I think he would be honest.

I know this is breaking the rules, I don't feel like tagging anyone else right now, maybe at a later date.

Celebrity Encounters I

• Nicky Katt- Staying at the Avalon in Beverly Hills with his dog. He was fine until he tried to bring the dog into the restaurant. When the manager politely told him that only service animals were allowed on the premises, Nicky got all, "Don't you know who I am???" at which point the manager said, "I don't care who you are, you can't bring your dog in here." Which is what happens when C-list actors with overgrown egos try and (unsuccessfully) cop celebrity 'tude.
• Ron Perlman- Used to work out at the same gym as him. He always wiped down his equipment, and he is built. Worked up to a smile and a friendly "hello," but always felt fluttery because before he was Hellboy, he was Vincent, the lion/human hybrid with that voice, from Beauty and the Beast. The stuff of my teenage romantic fantasies. Maybe it would be gratifying for him to know that he weakens the knees of at least one thirtysomething woman, and not all of his fans are comic book geeks.
• Alecia Silverstone- Looking rather strung-out one Sunday morning at the Hollywood Farmer's Market. Which is a great place for celebrity-spotting, btw. Also seen there:
• Sandra Oh- Head down and walking very fast, possibly escaping.
• Mena Suvari- Stunning in a gorgeous red dress, with her surprisingly short, but very cute, husband. Appeared very gracious while posing for pictures and signing autographs.
• John Salley- of the L.A. Lakers, head and shoulders above the crowd, but still smiling while surrounded by people. I wouldn't have recognized him except for his very funny appearance on Martin Short's Jiminy Glick.

Hmmm, maybe I should have saved this for abdpbt's "Listlessness Mondays." Oh well, there's always more to tell.

Help Me Decide

Ok, so fairly lighthearted and pretty trivial in all actuality, but I need some help with my ballot for the Screen Actor's Guild awards. See, I haven't seen any of the nominated movies (really!), that's how lame last year was, and while I only watch a few of the TV shows, my favorites will be getting my vote. So, go here if you'd like to see the nominees, and tell me who you would vote for and why. If I like your response, I might vote that way. Be a part of the SAG awards!! Influence history!! If only in the tiniest, most insignificant way. Have your responses in by the end of the week, since the ballots have to be received by January 23rd.
(I will say that the people promoting Heath Ledger and The Dark Knight sent me a free DVD screener, so that might influence me too, but only maybe, since I haven't watched it yet.)

Favorite Movie Mini-Review: Enchanted April

I have a lot of favorite movies, most of them not typical Hollywood fare, and since I generally love movies and the film-making process, I thought I would share why each of these made my list.

Enchanted April is a small, girly movie starring Miranda Richardson and Alfred Molina. It's a sweet, quiet movie about four English women sharing an Italian villa in the 1920's. There's a line about Miranda Richardson's character looking like a "disappointed Madonna" and a dinner conversation about how freeing it is not to wear underwear that I particularly like. The cinematography is gorgeous, making good use of the beautiful locale. It's a romantic movie about the power of love and friendship to transform; each of the women is hurting in some way, and each is healed by time spent at the villa. It's a bit sappy, probably not a good pick for youngsters or action-flick fans, but perfect if you're in the mood for something gentle and lovely.

Favorite Movie Lines

From Brain Candy, regarding a popular new head-med, spoken by a cabbie with an Armenian accent: "You know, it's made from monkey cum."
Also from Brain Candy: "Where's your father?" "Upstairs masturbating to gay porn again."

From The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. A transvestite is petting a codger's dog. "What's your dog's name?" "Herpes, 'cause if she's good, she'll heel."

Random Friday

I hate it when guys I don't know call me "honey" or "sweetie," it seems presumptuous and just bugs me, but I don't mind it when women do the same thing, especially if they're older and have that kind of whiskey-and-cigarettes voice. Then I think it's kind of cute.
Jerry Orbach is my all-time favorite movie dad, I loved his character in Dirty Dancing. It was pretty heartbreaking when he left Law & Order, and then died.
My tadpoles aren't doing well, there's only one left. And even though I was forewarned that they're hard to raise, it still makes me a little sad.
Speaking of Dirty Dancing, Jennifer Grey was in a short-lived sitcom about L.A. called it's like, you know, that I really enjoyed. But she had such radical rhinoplasty that she really didn't look like herself any more. She didn't look bad, but I think her nose was kind of her signature, and after that, her career didn't seem the same.
I miss going out dancing with NSA a lot. We used to go out clubbing at least a couple of times a month. I miss not dressing up in fabulous clothes and shaking my ass in a gorgeous place with fun people; staying in on Friday nights makes me feel old and boring.

Peter Scolari Syndrome

What, you might ask, is Peter Scolari Syndrome (PSS)? Good question. You might recognize the name, particularly if you're a fan of Bob Newhart. But maybe not, not in the way you recognize, say, Tom Hanks, who is a cultural icon on par with Jimmy Stewart. And that's where PSS comes in, since once upon a time in the early '80s, these two young actors starred in a sitcom together. Neither of them had much success before the show, and both of them have had acting careers. It's just that in 1993, Tom Hanks had his Oscar-winning role in Philadelphia, while Peter Scolari starred in Infected (also titled Ticks, a horror movie about, you guessed it, mutant ticks). I'm not dissing Peter, he's spent his adult life acting, which in itself is an amazing achievement, but you gotta wonder how he feels about Tom. Is he resentful, envious, a tad bitter, or is he just grateful that he's been able to spend his time doing what he loves? He appeared in That Thing You Do!, which was written and directed by Tom, so his resentment (if there is any) doesn't likely run too deep, but I think it must rankle him at least a little, to look back and think, Why him? Is he that much better than me? And I wonder if he blames his height, his mother, his first acting coach, or maybe just dumb luck.

Oscar, Oscar

So I didn't watch the show last night, mostly because award shows are b-o-r-i-n-g, but also because it stings a bit to watch something you wanted to be a part of. And I don't mean in an abstract, "wouldn't it be cool..." way, but in a sincere, "might have had a chance..." way. Put it like this, I'm pretty sure one day I'll see people I know on the red carpet, and if circumstances had been a little different, it could have been me. Envy is a horrible emotion (sigh).
Anyway, I'm offering my critique on Oscar fashions because I often disagree with the fashionistas, and because I don't feel qualified to comment on the awards themselves having not seen any of the nominated (apart from Viggo's performance in Eastern Promises.)

Jessica Alba- I thought her flowy, purple number was gorgeous, very flattering for a pregnant person, and I liked the feather detail on the bosom. I also really liked her loose French-braid hairstyle.

Penelope Cruz- There was a lot of black this year, and while I liked her black feathery thing, last year's pink feathery thing was much prettier as well as being a bolder choice.

Renee Zellweger- What a sexy, sparkly gown! I loved the glittery stripes, the slit-to-there and the wicked shoes to go with. Just wish she didn't look so bone-thin, though.

Tilda Swinton- I LOVE Tilda! She is an amazing actress as well as a uniquely stunning person. Who else could pull off a performance piece called "Metamorphosis" that involved her sleeping on a mattress eight hours a day? That said, she needs some serious style advice. I loved the silver cuff, but a pale redhead dressed in black needs some OOMPH! otherwise she ends up looking like a statuesque vampire, and not in a good way. Maybe she should have taken that look further, kohl-rimmed eyes, ruby-red lips, instead of ending up washed out and deeply blah. Oh well, she didn't win the Oscar because of her fashion sense.

Cameron Diaz- What can I say? I like pink, but didn't she wear almost the exact same thing last year? With the same bad results. Droopy hair, wrapped-in-crepe gown; please, Cameron, pay for someone else's opinion.

Amy Adams- Now there's a redhead who knows what works for her, emerald-green elegance. And her little gold bag was the perfect accessory, even if there was nothing in it.

Ellen Page- Geez, girl, you're 21 and beautiful!! Why wear such a boring, dumpy dress? Were you playing it safe, or did you just listen to some bad advice? Here's a tip: next time, fail spectacularly, go for the leopard print like Diablo Cody did, make people talk, not just ugh.

Diablo Cody- Here's a woman after my own heart, a successful ex-stripper who didn't seem to give a damn if she made the best- or worst-dressed lists, as long as she made one of them. And, boy, did she ever. It pleases me greatly that she won the Ocsar too.

Marion Cotillard- Now there's a gorgeous young lady who took a chance that paid off. The sexy mermaid dress was different, and her loose, wavy hair went with it perfectly.

I really loved the proliferation of red on the carpet. Katherine Heigl, Heidi Klum and Helen Mirren carried it off beautifully (although I didn't care for Heidi's dark pink accessories), while Anne Hathaway's fake roses left me cold and Julie Christie spoiled her look with badly-chosen accessories.

Monday, Monday

Uneventful weekend, rainy Sunday, but a beautiful morning. NSA slept a lot, I think he's adjusting to the new medication, as well as making up for years of sleep deprivation. The narcotic patch isn't without side effects, he's a little woozy and constipated, but nothing unmanageable. I think he'll adapt.

Finally got around to watching Waitress. I think Netflix must love me very much because I often keep movies a month or longer. I either don't have the time to watch them, or I just don't feel like it. Anyway, I liked it. It was sweet and funny, and Nathan Fillion is about the sexiest Canadian I can think of. Jeremy Sisto's character, Earl, was pretty one-dimensional. I really wanted more of an explanation as to why Jenna was with him and why she stayed so long when he was just an abusive creep, but overall, pretty well-written. I did find myself distracted during Adrienne Shelly's scenes, just because I couldn't help but think about what happened to her.

I'm now19,000 words into my autobiography, which is pretty decent except when you consider that I've been writing it for, oh, about eight years now. I just haven't been serious, haven't been dedicated to writing or to myself, so I'm trying to change that. I think this blog is helping that way, keeping things flowing even when I'm only talking to myself. And action inspires action.

Dream Interpretations

I watched Eastern Promises over the weekend, which was pretty good, even if my dearest husband did figure out Nikolai's mystery about a third into the movie. I absolutely adore Viggo Mortensen, have ever since he played Lucifer in The Prophecy, I don't think there's ever been a sexier/scarier devil (maybe Tim Curry in Legend.) Anyway, the movie gave me some interesting dreams, mostly having to do with other people getting what they want from me, while I get nothing in return and end up feeling helpless and angry. One scenario involved me having to build a twenty-foot tall stool out of clay, and the only way it seemed I would be able to do this was by sitting on the stool while constructing it beneath me, a seemingly impossible task. I told my husband I thought this symbolized the unrealistic expectations that work has recently put on me. He had a more succinct explanation. He said, "Maybe it means you won't get anything accomplished until you get off your ass."