Feeling like a pissy six year old today, wanting to throw a raging hissy fit and stomp around with a scowl on my face, but knowing that I'm a "big girl" and too old for baby tantrums. Sometimes I just want to revert so badly, to the days of "but it's not FAIR!" and "HE doesn't have to, so why do I??" It's not like I expect the universe to smile and grant me my every desire tout suite, it's just that sometimes things feel so unnecessarily difficult.
A co-worker's husband died over the weekend, and I feel so bad for her, and it's cast a pall over everything. Additionally, a shitload of paperwork arrived on my desk yesterday that needs to be completed ASAP! because we're in review time and if it's not completed perfectly, WE COULD ALL GET FIRED! Which is really very unlikely, but that's the kind of pressure being brought to bear. I just want to stick out my tongue and scream "NO!" and I don't care if I have to go sit in the corner because sitting in the (quiet, comtemplative) corner would be really, really nice right now.
It's days like this that I'm particularly envious of Susan. I love her blog, because even when she's unhappy, there's a certain serenity to her posts, a calm gentleness that's just missing in my life. And she has faith that things will get better, that she can make them better, and I lack that too.