Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Cool and Gray

It's cool and cloudy this morning and that suits me just fine. I didn't sleep well last night since there was some drama going on around the complex that involved much screaming and slamming of doors; I hate most drama now, I have enough of my own thankyouverymuch. NSA will be going to Colorado for an extended family visit soon, probably within the next week or two. His health isn't good and he really isn't up for traveling, but his father is letting his cancer go untreated and NSA is really unhappy with me, so it seems like the best option right now. No paperwork has been filed and I'm thinking of it as a temporary separation. We'll see if time and space make a difference, good or other. (A part of me thinks that since his family is so fucked up, he'll want to come back after two days. That he'll see our situation isn't so bad and I'm not that hard to live with, considering.)
My mother was in the hospital over the weekend. She didn't call me until one of her friends said that if she didn't, the friend would. She felt short of breath on Saturday, and a trip to the emergency room revealed that her right lung was full of fluid. They drained her lung and kept her overnight. While it doesn't look like the cancer has spread to her lung, apparently the tumor is seeping fluid. At least now she's willing to consider chemotherapy, only seventeen months after finding the lump in her breast.
My mood is cool and gray too. I'm feeling foggy and dispassionate, just limping toward the weekend hoping nothing will happen. I don't think I could handle anything else right now.

4 comments:

do you think you have it? said...

to your post: wow, i'm sorry.
to your blog: love it.

Melliferous Pants said...

Holy fucked up. I'm sorry you are getting it from all angles.

Lisa said...

I'm sorry to hear that things are not going well for you right now.
Maybe time apart will help to think things through.

Susan said...

Hang in there J. our transmutation is just around the corner ... I can feel it. Can you feel it ?

Don't forget to take lots of really deep healing breaths ... it really does work.

Hugs & love from tout la gang here at 29 Black Street