Tuesday Morning

Feeling teary and emotional today, for no particular reason that I can immediately identify. Maybe it's because my dearest husband didn't sleep very well, and so I was woken often during the night, and almost overslept this morning. His mood has been down the last couple of mornings, probably because Sunday together was very nice, but his pain levels have been up since then. It's hard for him when he's pretty much confined to the bedroom, watching crap T.V. and wondering how things got so bad. He also misses my company during the day, and I know how he feels, because right now, there's nothing I'd rather do than just cuddle up next to him and whisper things will get better. I wish I had more faith that they will. He has a doctor's appointment at the end of the month that has a bit riding on it. His physician, Dr. Overworked Asian Chick, has said that she will reevalute his medication needs, and since he's been on Vicodan for over two years now, I think it might be time to try something else. His oldest sister has gotten so many different painkillers, Oxycontin, Darvoset, Percoset, for her bad back, and yet, his physician seems unwilling to try anything that might be more effective. It's my understanding that when a person has chronic, unresolvable pain conditions, then addiction isn't as much of a concern. His quality of life, hell, our quality of life, would be greatly improved if he were in less pain on a daily basis.

Mom called me Sunday night, but I haven't been in the mood to talk to her. I'm mostly just pissed off at her all the time, I just want to yell and tell her how stupid I think she's being. My uncle is out of the psychiatric hospital and staying in a motel for now. It's temporary, but at least he has running water and cable T.V. Mom's looking after him, I don't think she's told him she has cancer, she wouldn't want to worry him. Of course, when she dies, it will fall to me to take care of him, and that's probably not going to happen. His own sons washed their hands of him a long time ago. He'll most likely end up back in prison or the loony bin, at least those institutions will make sure he's fed and takes his medication.

I just need to keep plugging along. Some days it's just a matter of maintaining, of getting through until something improves.