Celebrity Encounters I

• Nicky Katt- Staying at the Avalon in Beverly Hills with his dog. He was fine until he tried to bring the dog into the restaurant. When the manager politely told him that only service animals were allowed on the premises, Nicky got all, "Don't you know who I am???" at which point the manager said, "I don't care who you are, you can't bring your dog in here." Which is what happens when C-list actors with overgrown egos try and (unsuccessfully) cop celebrity 'tude.
• Ron Perlman- Used to work out at the same gym as him. He always wiped down his equipment, and he is built. Worked up to a smile and a friendly "hello," but always felt fluttery because before he was Hellboy, he was Vincent, the lion/human hybrid with that voice, from Beauty and the Beast. The stuff of my teenage romantic fantasies. Maybe it would be gratifying for him to know that he weakens the knees of at least one thirtysomething woman, and not all of his fans are comic book geeks.
• Alecia Silverstone- Looking rather strung-out one Sunday morning at the Hollywood Farmer's Market. Which is a great place for celebrity-spotting, btw. Also seen there:
• Sandra Oh- Head down and walking very fast, possibly escaping.
• Mena Suvari- Stunning in a gorgeous red dress, with her surprisingly short, but very cute, husband. Appeared very gracious while posing for pictures and signing autographs.
• John Salley- of the L.A. Lakers, head and shoulders above the crowd, but still smiling while surrounded by people. I wouldn't have recognized him except for his very funny appearance on Martin Short's Jiminy Glick.

Hmmm, maybe I should have saved this for abdpbt's "Listlessness Mondays." Oh well, there's always more to tell.

Oh, The POWER!

I needed to talk to this person today, so I went over to her, only to be totally ignored initially, and then when she did acknowledge me, she was completely nervous, stammering, and made an excuse to get away very quickly. She would not make eye contact! I was a bit nonplussed. My first thought was could she have read my blog?, but I don't think that's the case. I mean, I'm not scary, I'm not Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada, I'm a rainbows-and-fluffy-bunnies kind of person, but obviously she's picked up on how I feel, and I find that kind of thrilling. Wow, so this is how it feels to have someone afraid of you, or at least to make them really, really uncomfortable with your mere presence. I can see why Anakin went over to the dark side if this is the kind of reaction you get.

So I did what any normal person would do, I smiled and was extra-super-sweet to her. Because sugar helps the poison go down that much easier.

A Home of Our Own

I've said before, when Mom died, she left a huge mess behind. And, actually, a reluctance to deal with this mess might be part of why she died. But that's a sort of pop-psychology, avoidance issue thing that I may or may not write about later. In any case, due to an unpaid loan situation, I thought my mom had lost the rights to her land and house, and was only living there because no one wanted to kick a poor old lady out, which could have happened. I was also wicked disappointed because the monies owed were less than 10% of the value of the land, a pretty raw deal. As it turns out, I was wrong, and I am so happy about that.
There is a bit of money owed, a debt to an acquaintance of Mom's who paid property taxes for her, but I have the opportunity to pay off the debt and keep the land where Mom, my little brother Edward, and my grandmother are buried. So that's a very good thing. I've never owned anything worth that much either. To find myself a homeowner, even due to such unhappy circumstances, is rather exciting.
It's not much of a place, 2 1/4 acres of boggy land and an unfinished house with no water or plumbing, jury-rigged electricity and a wood stove for heat. And no driveway to speak of. And twenty-five years worth of hoarded junk, vermin, and cat shit, that makes the place basically uninhabitable. But the structure itself is fairly sound, it has lots of windows and there's a large garden and raspberry patch. So, yes, I have my work cut out for me, not completely sure I'm equal to the task, but hey, gotta give it a try and see what happens. And if I sound deeply ambiguous, it's because I am.

Suppressing Urges

So, yeah, I think my days at this job are seriously numbered since I'm having a harder and harder time not telling that obnoxious little twat-faced bitch exactly what I think of her. I am so totally FUCKING over it!!!

January 23, 1939

My mother would have been 70 last Friday. This knowledge nibbled at my consciousness all week. I got a couple of calls from her friends, one of whom has a key to her house and called me from there, so when I looked at my cell to see who it was, it came up "Mom," since I haven't deleted her number. It was a sweet gesture, but kind of creepy too. It's nice to see how missed Mom is, but it also makes me wonder why she didn't want to stick around longer. There are so many people who loved her. Of course, some of these are the same people who fully supported her in not treating her cancer, so I guess it cuts both ways.
NSA and I are probably going to Alaska this summer, to take care of some things that really can't be handled remotely. I'm not sure how long we'll be there, but long enough that I'll most likely have to leave this job, which is perfectly fine with me. I think I'm overdue for a career change.

Soundtrack To My Mother's Death

1. King of the Road, Roger Miller- This was on the radio the first morning I was back to visit, and we also watched Talladega Nights while I was there. Mom smiled at a few spots in the movie, she really liked goofball comedies, but I don't think she was in a place to enjoy it much.
2. Ever Present Past, Paul McCartney- Flying up, I couldn't stop listening to this on my MP3 player. I just kept scrolling back and listening again and again, something I don't think I've done since I was a teenager. Mom saw the Beatles when they appeared on Ed Sullivan, and the lyrics, about how time goes by so fast, were just so apropos.
3. Exodus & Redemption Song, Bob Marley- Mom completely adored reggae, particularly Bob Marley and Peter Tosh, and these two songs were among her favorites.
4. Starry-eyed Surprise, Shifty- The only "rap" song Mom liked. During her last visit to So Cal, she asked me to turn it up when it came on the radio.
5. Morning Has Broken, Cat Stevens- A modern hymn that Mom never tired of.
6. Fandango Nights, Willie and Lobo- The local radio station played this as background music and Mom was so enamored that she called one of the managers, a friend of hers, who burned a copy and brought it to the hospital for her. We listened to the Puerto Vallarta Squeeze album a lot in the days that followed.
7. Fix You, Coldplay- I'd heard the song before, but it was only after Mom and I watched Young at Heart together that it really made an impact on me. The soaring crescendo near the end followed by the lone, spare voice moves me to tears.
8. What's Going On, Four Non-Blondes- Another song my mom liked. A friend performed a rough but lovely version of it at her memorial.
9. Let Peace Begin With Me, Sy Miller and Jill Jackson- My mom's truest wish for the world, and she really did think it began with her.
10. Dark Side of the Moon, Pink Floyd- The quintessential psychedelic hippie song. She loved the spoken line close to the end of the song, "There is no dark side of the moon, it's all dark."

Three months ago today, and while things soften with time, it still hurts.

Hmmm...

So I post about how I need more community in my life, and this postcard shows up in my mailbox. There's no artist credit, and it's for a local church that I'm not at all interested in attending, but I like the image. It looks constructed from three or four different sources, with some cool effects added. Whoever did it has a decent amount of talent and flair, maybe they put it together as a form of tithing. I think the choice of the fence is interesting, a bit exclusive or exclusionary, maybe not exactly what they're trying to convey.
I do think the universe sends messages, I don't know, maybe I should attend some Sunday, or maybe it's just a general kind of attraction thing, I'm thinking about community, so are many other people, and the thought is out there in the ether, waiting to drop in to my mailbox.

Help Me Decide

Ok, so fairly lighthearted and pretty trivial in all actuality, but I need some help with my ballot for the Screen Actor's Guild awards. See, I haven't seen any of the nominated movies (really!), that's how lame last year was, and while I only watch a few of the TV shows, my favorites will be getting my vote. So, go here if you'd like to see the nominees, and tell me who you would vote for and why. If I like your response, I might vote that way. Be a part of the SAG awards!! Influence history!! If only in the tiniest, most insignificant way. Have your responses in by the end of the week, since the ballots have to be received by January 23rd.
(I will say that the people promoting Heath Ledger and The Dark Knight sent me a free DVD screener, so that might influence me too, but only maybe, since I haven't watched it yet.)

Feeling Strangely Fine

I don't really know why, except that I think a few things have gelled for me recently. Admittedly, Mom's death hit me hard, harder than expected, but it also clarified some things, as major events are wont to do. And as time passes, the grief and trauma settle a bit, the pain eases, and I'm able to reflect.
I've been worried, to some degree or another, for the past couple of years. Most of the worrys stem from loved one's health issues, but then there's the general never-enough-money worries and the I'm-not-where-I-want-to-be blues also. I'm not usually an anxious person, and the pressure and fretfulness have a corrosive effect on my personality. I'm snappish and mean, emotional, and I don't like it.
Here's what I've realized:

• The job I have right now is a bad fit for me. It's not creative, it's more responsibility than I want, and it asks me to behave in ways I find objectionable.
• I don't like big city life any more. I get pissy with the lack of privacy, rude people and being too far away from nature. I don't want to live in the boonies, but a smaller place would be better.
• I'm tired of feeling poor. Having a disabled spouse contributes to this feeling, but so does the cost of living in a big city. There are definitely less expensive places to live.
• I don't do enough to feed my soul, and I think souls need to be fed, regularly. I've abandoned interesting hobbies and am instead becoming a snail.
• I've devalued friendship and community in my life. I don't know if this an attitude thing, an introspection thing, or what, but it needs to change. I need it to change.

I'm still working things out, there are lots of difficulties and details that have to be dealt with, but I think 2009 is going to be a good year, maybe the best year of my life. Or maybe it's just the chocolate talking.

Text Messaging and The State of My Relationship

I'm saving the "I luv u"s and deleting the "Fuck u"s.

Zinc is for lifeguard noses and countertops,

NOT for lozenges! However, I have this awful little scratchy feeling in the back of my throat, up toward my sinus', and so I'm sucking on these nasty things in the hope that they live up to the hype and prevent, or at least shorten, any viral ickyess I may have picked up. I want to visit my dad this weekend, I haven't seen him in a very long time, and I DON'T WANT TO BE FUCKING SICK!! Bleah.